You’ve Got No Friends
That’s how I feel out here right now. Usually it doesn’t bother me but I am feeling terribly lonely this week.
The people I work with on the web series are annoying me, for many reasons. They are childish, and form cliques, and I used to be able to separate myself from it but I can’t. I can’t see them or the project the way I used to. It’s ceased to be fun.
Unfortunately, ninety-five percent of my human interaction comes from this group. I know some of this feeling is ego. I know I am also jealous of other people’s connections to each other. I thought Oriana and I were close but now that she’s started work and she is no longer on the outs with Rance, I don’t hold as high priority.
Rance thinks the world of himself and mostly I can’t stand it. I hate Leo’s — why do I have so many of them in my life? They make me feel less than and like I have to prove myself. Is that an astrological thing between Leo’s and Gemini’s?
I have been going to networking events on my own, but I don’t talk or network with other people. I feel fat, and disheveled and unprofessional and worthless when it comes to selling myself. What happened to me?
I used to be so much more confident of my skills and ability. I used to feel it in my bones and blood, but now…so rare. Maybe it’s the antidepressants. I hate pills. I am going to talk to my doctor about other methods because I can’t just keep existing in this state.
I have no one here I could call at 4 AM to bail me out of a jam. That’s pretty sad. I know I’m not alone, LA can be isolating, but still.
2014 needs to end. It’s been a horrible year. Bring on 2015, and let there be new opportunities and new friendships.
I don’t want to feel like an old curmudgeon anymore.